It is never easy to say goodbye to someone you have formed a bond with, even when the relationship was intended to be temporary. Adults providing foster care find themselves saying goodbye when foster children return to their biological parents, are adopted, or move to another foster home. Courts and social workers usually want the transition to happen quickly, increasing the stress level.
To make things easiest for the child, adults should try to make the process last at least one month. An initial visit together to the new home for at least half a day should be arranged. After the child visits several more times alone, arrange for a weekend stay for the youth, even if the child will be returning to the biological family. This approach makes the transition smoother, placing less trauma on the child.
Schedule a meeting with the therapist, new parents, and the child. Discuss similarities in parenting and determine how to incorporate both sets of rules into the new living situation to encourage continuity. By proceeding at a pace the child is comfortable with, there should be few incidents of acting out by the youth.
Drastic change due to a new living situation can cause a foster child to regress. Aiming for continuity is in the best interest of the youth. Otherwise, behavior like lying, tantrums, and running away may surface. Rather than cutting ties with the child completely, maintain contact via telephone, email, and face-to-face.
Once the child has transitioned to the new home, foster parents should continue to express their love and concern. It is important to remind the child that someone is there, no matter what happens. If any acting out does occur, it should be immediately addressed with empathy and by reinforcing the positive aspects of the new situation.
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