Adoption From The Point Of View Of The Expectant Parents

Placing a child for adoption is not something to be done without forethought. Expectant parents relinquish their children for many different reasons. These include homelessness, financial hardship, age, moral beliefs, or not being able to be a single parent. The conclusion to give up a child should be made based on the feelings of the expectant parent, not those of friends or family.

Laws regarding adopting vary by state. Today, open arrangements are available that permit ongoing contact between the adoptive and birth families. There are different levels of openness, the most open version characterized by visits between both parties. In a semi-open arrangement, letters and pictures are exchanged without personal contact. Adoptions classified as closed do not permit ongoing contact between the families.

Another aspect that varies by state pertains to the matching and placement processes. In some states, open adoptions are not legally binding, so the adoptive family could commit to an open arrangement and then close the process without a reason or warning. Some states allow private matching or permit adoptive parents to provide financial support to the pregnant woman.

It becomes clear that much research is required before deciding on the proper arrangement. Another important consideration is the involvement of the father of the child. It the father and mother are not together, the father still must be informed of the plans. If he refuses to sign the Termination of Parental Rights document, the process could slow down or come to a halt.

Having emotional support during the research and decision-making process is important. Some women opt to keep their pregnancy under wraps but this can make a stressful situation more difficult. The support from others throughout this time can make the experience a more positive one. Professional counseling may also be helpful in reaching a difficult decision.

We have also covered adopting if you are disabled, click here for more info on that.

Fost-Adopt Care Explained

A fost-adopt program bridges the gap between an initial foster need and a long-term need for permanent placement. Counties and states have foster care adoption programs, as do some private agencies in conjunction with social services. Social workers place children with specially-trained adults before the parental rights of the biological parents are permanently terminated.

This arrangement differs from traditional fostering because the adults pre-commit to adopting the child if and when the rights of the biological parents are terminated and the child is able to be adopted. In the interim, family reunification efforts sometimes take place. Biological parents may also appeal the decision regarding parental right termination.

In general, a child placed in a foster care adoption program is less likely to return to his or her biological family. During the time the biological parents still have parental rights, the new caregivers serve as foster parents. This type of program exists to prevent the child from having to make another move when it seems that adoption is likely to be the outcome. Since the child could still be returned to the biological family, the placement is considered a legal-risk placement.

Fost-adopt care is attractive to many adults because a high percentage of the children within the program are young, including infants. Adults must be educated regarding the program and ensure that social workers evaluate the legal risks. If the biological parents do not maintain their rights, another biological family member may express interest in adopting the child.

Some children placed in fost-adopt care have medical needs or may have been exposed to alcohol or drugs before birth. Others may be groups of siblings that include older children, though many states indicate that their fost-adopt programs most often contain younger children. Adults wishing to learn more about the fost-adopt program should contact the state foster care manager or state adoption specialist.

When It Comes To Foster Care, Love Is Sometimes Not Enough

Adults who engage in foster care or adoption perform a great service. However, what they do may not always be enough. A child placed into care outside of the biological home may have special needs that mandate certain services. The result may be a decision to terminate the placement for the benefit of both the child and the family.

The intention is to help the child improve, not to encourage additional destructive behaviors and attitudes. At the same time, the caregiver has the opportunity to restore balance and order to the existing family. This is often a difficult road, filled with feelings of madness, sadness, and fear. Balancing these is happiness that the child has a chance to receive the services needed for development.

The caregiver must take the first step to meet the needs of the child. This involves contacting the social worker regarding the situation and requesting replacement. The social worker will locate a more suitable placement within a mandated timeframe. A smooth transition to the new placement will be accomplished by the social worker and caregiver working in tandem. In some cases, this goes so far as revoking an adoption.

Throughout the process, the needs of the child must remain the top priority. The caregiver and social worker must identify where the child can receive the services necessary to develop into a responsible adult. Caregivers must realize that they did not fail in their duties. Grief and loss are natural feelings and the social worker should assist with working through these.

The tie between a foster or adoptive parent and child often does not break in a situation like this. Some children and caregivers choose to remain in contact after the new placement situation begins. As long as both work within the parameters of the case plan, the relationship should be a positive and healthy one.

Parenting Is A Long-Term Commitment

Some parents are more concerned with when they can let their children go than actually taking care of the kids. Every day, parents feel inadequate because they do not have money or cannot handle their children. These adults are not effective parents and cannot take a long-term perspective to parenting and their children become victims.

When more focus is placed on the parent than the child, the problem becomes more serious. After trying everything possible and consulting with experts do not seem to help a troubled teen, the adult often gives up the battle. To prevent the parent from harming the child any further, parental duties must be relieved.

Enter the foster parent, who takes over until the biological family gets back on track. It is just as important for this caregiver to have a long-term perspective on parenting. Foster parents who are not up for the task usually only add to the problems of the children. The worst-case scenario is placing a child in a short-term foster care situation when a long-term arrangement is necessary.

Foster children need stability, not constant change. Once the environment is stable, the child can begin working on any issues. Being shuffled from one placement to another will not permit this to happen. If a foster parent gives up on the child, this is just a replay of what happened with the biological family. The child feels abandoned, worthless, and has very low levels of trust and self-esteem.

Both foster parents and parents have a difficult job in raising troubled children. A huge amount of stamina is required and days are filled with uncertainty. This takes a toll on the adults but it cannot prevent them from being there for the children. When natural parents are unable to do their job, the foster parent must step in and help.

Encourage The Softer Side Of Foster Children

Not all children are bad and this is sometimes easy to forget. Based on the news we frequently hear, we tend to view children as cold, unfeeling, and even mean. Though some of them can be this way, most are not always. Even the most street-hardened child has a softer side and it is the job of the foster parent to encourage it.

We tend to overlook the softer side of children because we are busy dealing with their bad behavior. We may be coming up with appropriate consequences for their actions or searching for ways to prevent the behavior from repeating. This situation does not lend itself to searching for their good points. Tough children do not make things any easier because they do not want us to see their softer side.

Even the wildest girls can be the best mothers. Teens who frequently have run-ins with the law may be excellent helpers for the elderly. Older children grow into adults who care for disabled youth. These are just a few examples of how even the most troubled children in foster care exhibit their softer side. By assisting them with doing this, foster parents help the transformation happen.

Foster parents should provide children with opportunities to display their softer side. Sometimes, mean thoughts and bad attitudes that lead to violence are just an attempt to act or look tough. Peers expect this so the softer side must be hidden in order for the child to have successful relationships with people of the same age.

The trick is to show children that being compassionate is an admirable trait, not a weakness. Feelings of kindness and caring should be part of the home atmosphere. In order for them to grow into caring and loving adults, children in foster care should be encouraged by their caregivers to express the compassionate aspect of their personality.

Foster Care 101

Though many people have heard of foster care, some do not have the correct understanding of it. Foster care provides dependent, neglected, and abused children with a safe and temporary living arrangement with someone other than a birth parent. Biological families often face issues like homelessness, substance addiction, or illness that forces children into foster care.

When the Department of Social Services (DSS) and a judge in a county feel that a child is living in unsafe conditions, DSS obtains custody of the child. It then finds the child a foster home in which the length of stay varies. Foster parents must be trained and licensed to temporarily care for neglected and abused children. In the meantime, the biological parents work with social workers to resolve their issues.

Foster care statistics show that thousands of children in each state enter the system each year. The goal of the system is for the biological family, DSS, and the foster family to work together to quickly return foster children to their homes. In some cases, this does not work out and a child is put up for adoption. Foster parents may then petition for consideration of being adoptive parents.  

Ages of foster children range from infancy to 18. Some of these children have emotional or physical disabilities or handicaps and require special care. Others exhibit delinquent or undisciplined behavior. Still others have been victimized sexually or physically. In general, these situations leave the children with a weak sense of self-worth or belonging.

Foster parents must be willing to give their foster children nurturing, support, and special care. A relative may be licensed to become the foster parent of a child or the person may be a complete stranger. In either case, just as much effort is expected to deal with the unique experiences, background, needs, and personalities of the child.

Father's Day

First let me start off by saying I've had a wonderful father's day! It started out a little rocky with a little  family scare but ended up great!
It being father's day I decided I would take a bath and soak in my new Jacuzzi tub and that would start my morning out right! So I started my bath and climbed in hoping for a peaceful soak.
At this point, let me add, I felt the way Colt Severs felt on the old TV show Fall Guy. For those of you who remember, he had a bathtub out in front of his house.  At the end of the episode (Colt's Angel), after catching the bad guy, he is out front soaking, and has a cigar in his mouth carving a wooden duck and everyone piles around him. He looks at them kinda funny and says; "what are you doing in my bathroom!" In another episode he says something to the effect that he's been in a burning building and rolled cars and would like just a little quiet time. Today I felt just like him. 
I had no more gotten sat down in my nice hot bath than my girls started banging on the door. "Daddy we are going to do laundry." "Daddy should we do colors?" "Daddy can you come start the washer?" After numerous attempts to ignore them I decided I would get out of my nice hot bath. All in all though, it was an awesome day. Grilled steaks for my dad, then came home and baked cookies. As always, I am very thankful for my awesome friends and family.